GIF by psicopathya Author’s Note: Hello everyone!!! Some of you may recognize these stories from my old account! I am so excited to be back, and I managed to find a few of my stories from before. This was originally a two-part story, but unfortunately, I can’t seem to find the second part. I am pretty sad about that, but I figured you would enjoy the first part nonetheless! Also, on a more fun note, if you any of you are a fan of Richard Armitage in other stuff, like the British series called“North and South,” you might get the reference hidden in here :D Enjoy! “_________!” Thorin bellowed. You winced at how his deep voice echoed with rage throughout Erebor. He definitely did not sound too happy. As usual. The anxiety was quickly replaced with anger as you closed the book in your hand and slammed it down on the table, causing Bilbo, Ori, and Balin to look at you in surprise. Ever since the Company reclaimed Erebor and the gold fell into Thorin’s possession, he had not been himself. All he ever did was mull about the halls and throne room, not speaking to anyone unless he wanted to give an order regarding the search and recovery of the Arkenstone. He had been obsessed with finding it. Not to mention he would take time out of his day to just stare at the heaps of gold that Smaug had previously guarded. It was as if the treasure had some sort of hold on him. To be fair, you had been overwhelmed the first few days by the glittering wealth that surrounded. However, it started to get old the moment Thorin commanded the Company to search each and every pile of gold to find that Arkenstone. Now you just wished for it all to disappear. “If he is calling me in to make me search that treasure room one more time…” you muttered bitterly, standing to your feet. “I know you’re frustrated, child. You have every right to be,” Balin told you gently. “But I would advise you not to say anything of it.” “We don’t want to set him off,” Bilbo agreed. “Please be careful, ________,” Ori told you quietly. “I will,” you replied with a sigh. Balin looked at you worriedly with a frown. He began to get up from his chair. “Maybe it’s best if I go with you.” “No, it’s fine.” You didn’t want to stress out the elderly dwarf any more than he already was. “This is Thorin we’re talking about, after all.” “He is very…unstable at this time. If you were to provoke him…” “I’ll try not to.” “_________!” The angry voice roared once more, making you jump. Bilbo shot you a look of concern as you left, and you could’ve sworn there was a twinge of guilt in his expression. He had been asking a lot of questions about the Arkenstone lately. Perhaps he found it after all…? It didn’t matter either way. The longer it was kept from Thorin, the better. You tried to maintain your composure as neared the throne room. If Thorin kept being a jerk, it was going to be a lot harder to refrain from losing it. Upon entering the room, you were faced with a scene that you saw every day now, but still broke your heart every time. Thorin paced back and forth across the room, his royal robes trailing messily behind him. His hair was greasy and unkempt, a result of his carelessness towards anything that didn’t have to do with the treasure. His skin had become pale from not eating, and there were dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep. You and the others tried your best to make sure he took care of himself, but it was no use. To think you had once admired him. Loved him, even. You still cared for him, but he was not half the leader he once was. No longer deserving of anyone’s admiration now that he had broken a promise to the people of Lake-town. “Can I help you?” you asked, keeping you tone calm and even. He turned on you, mouth twisting into a sneer, and eyes narrowing. “Why are you not searching?” “What?” You were taken by surprise by how utterly cross he looked that the question barely registered. “Why are you not searching?” he repeated the question with greater emphasis, taking a step closer. “The whole lot of you insists on wasting time while my Arkenstone remains lost!” You held back an exasperated sigh. “We’ve been searching most of the day, every day, for nearly a week. It’s time that we rest, or else we risk losing our energy and getting ill.” “Nonsense,” he growled. Then, his expression took on a cold look. For some reason, it scared you more than his previously angry state. “Though I suppose I cannot expect you to understand the importance of finding the Arkenstone. You are not a dwarf of Erebor.” You stared at him for a moment as the words sunk in. That was it. You had put up with his bossiness and mood swings this entire time, searching desperately for his precious Arkenstone while trying to find time to take care of yourself…And now he had the nerve to imply that you simply didn’t care as much as he did? Because you weren’t a dwarf of Erebor? You were normally a very easy-going person, but that sent you over the edge. “How dare you tell me that I don’t understand the importance of the situation!” you snapped, unable to hold back any longer. “How dare I?” He looked appalled. “How dare you speak to me in this manner!” “I have traveled alongside you as a member of the Company from the start! I’ve fought and risked my life several times for this cause. For your people. For you.” You let out a frustrated sigh, avoiding his burning gaze. There was no way he was going to just let this go. You feared what he would say next. So, rather than stick around to find out, you turned to stalk out of the throne room. “Where are you going?” “Away. Anywhere to get away from you.” “You cannot leave.” “Oh yes I can. And I will. I think I will go pay Thranduil and Bard a visit. I hear they’re treating their subjects a lot better,” you retorted angrily, not even sparing a glance at Thorin over your shoulder. Footsteps pounded on the stone floor as he raced to catch up with you. A warm, calloused hand found its way to your wrist. It was a firm grasp, but not menacing or painful. “I command you to stay,” he said, although the anger in his voice faltered. It sounded more like a plea than an order. You turned around to see him standing right there, blue eyes focused on you intently as he waited for your response. It was hard to miss the fact that they looked much clearer now, as if the dragon sickness had less of a hold on him in this moment. As if this was the real Thorin talking now. It filled you with enough hope to almost make you reconsider the decision to leave. However, if you gave in, there was a good chance he’d fall right back into the sickness again and things would go back to normal…with you searching the seemingly endless pile of treasure for that stupid Arkenstone while he lounged around in the throne room all day. You couldn’t go back to that. You just couldn’t. “I don’t have to follow your orders, king under the mountain,” you replied curtly. “You said it yourself; I’m not a dwarf of Erebor.” With that, you pulled your wrist from his grip and left the room. Your feet carried you swiftly down the halls back to the library where all your things were kept. Balin, Bilbo, and Ori glanced up when you entered, looking worried. “What happened, child?” Balin asked, his eyebrows furrowing with concern. A roar echoing from the throne room seemed to answer his question. He looked at the doorway solemnly. “Are you alright?” Bilbo asked, noticing the tears trickling down your face as you gathered things for the short journey. “I have to leave,” you told him. “Right now. I’m so sorry. I thought that once we reclaimed Erebor, this would become a home of sorts for me. I wanted so badly to stay here with you and the others, but I just don’t belong here. I’m sorry!” Balin breathed a small sigh, his eyes glistening with tears that threatened to fall, as he patted your shoulder gently. “It is alright, dear. I understand. None of us blame you.” You pulled him into a hug, then Bilbo and Ori. “Thank you for everything. I hope this whole thing ends soon so we can all be together again.” “Me too,” Ori agreed sadly. “Safe travels,” Bilbo added. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As soon as you had left, Thorin stood there by the open door for a minute, as if waiting for you to come walking back in and saying it was all a big mistake. That you’d stay. When you didn’t return, he paced away from the door angrily. I was the one who had it all I was the master of my fate I never needed anybody in my life I learned the truth too late How ungrateful, he thought to himself, that you should leave so suddenly! He had offered you a home, a place among his people. And here you were running off! He let out a desperate roar, hearing it reverberate through the room. The door creaked, signaling someone’s arrival. Oh, here you were. Crawling back to him to beg for his forgiveness. Thorin halted in the middle of the throne room, fists clenched, lips pulled back in a sneer as he whipped his head around to glare at the door. But it wasn’t you. It was Dwalin. The usually rough and tough warrior stood before him, crestfallen. “She’s gone,” he said simply, and those two words made Thorin feel strangely empty. It sparked a moment of clarity in the ever-present cloud of sickness. How could he have let this happen? How could drive you away like that? He cared for you deeply, though he had never brought himself to tell you. Perhaps he should have. Maybe you wouldn’t be running away now if he had told you his feelings. “That’s that, then,” Dwalin sighed. “It’s about time. With the way you treated her, she was bound to leave eventually.” Thorin shot his friend a glare, but inside he was in agreement with the warrior. You had put up with so much the past few days. Searching and searching for that Arkenstone. At the thought of the jewel, the dragon sickness took hold of him again, and he felt justified in his actions. This was the Arkenstone, after all. No effort should be spared in trying to find it. Dwalin lingered in the room for a moment longer before deciding it was no use. Thorin would not be snapping out of it anytime soon. After he had left, Thorin whirled around and stomped his way towards the treasury. Looking at the gold always made him feel better. It drowned out the battle taking place in his mind. He no longer heard the voice of the real Thorin trying to make him see reason. All his senses were instead filled with the glittering mess that spread out before him. I'll never shake away the pain I close my eyes but she's still there I let her steal into my melancholy heart It's more than I can bear Thorin paused when he heard footsteps stepping gingerly across the treasure, scattering coins and creating miniature jewel avalanches. The sound was accompanied by sniffling and muffled sobs. It was you. Thorin jumped behind a column to hide his form from your view, only tipping his head slightly to watch as you picked up a handful of coins. The sickness raged inside of him. Did you dare to take his treasure? To steal from the king under the mountain? He was about to leap from his hiding spot and confront you, when he saw you narrow your eyes at the coins in hand. “I hate you,” you muttered as if the coins could hear you. “I hate you so much. You’ve destroyed the lives of so many.” Then, you cast the handful of coins aside bitterly as you continued on your way. Guilt and shame gripped Thorin as he watched you leave, empty-handed. This was you, after all. He always knew that you were much too honorable to take those coins without permission. Deep down, a part of him knew that even if you had taken the coins, you had every right. You did have rights to one-fifteenth of the treasure. The dragon sickness pushed the thought out of his mind. Mine. It’s all mine. Thorin followed, staying in the shadows, as you headed for the front gate. It was no matter that they had recently built the wall up with debris and broken boulders from when Smaug broke through. You simply lowered a rope and began a careful descent until you reached the ground below. Now I know she'll never leave me Even as she runs away She will still torment me, calm me, hurt me Move me, come what may Wasting in my lonely tower Waiting by an open door I'll fool myself she'll walk right in And be with me for evermore Your boots touched the grass below, and you took off running for where Thranduil’s army had set up camp. Thorin stood on the balcony in silence, watching as you ran without stopping. “Look back. Look back at me.” I rage against the trials of love I curse the fading of the light Though she's already flown so far beyond my reach She's never out of sight He watched as your form grew smaller and smaller in the distance, realizing that this was really it. You had gone. Now I know she'll never leave me Even as she fades from view She will still inspire me, be a part of Everything I do Wasting in my lonely tower Waiting by an open door I'll fool myself she'll walk right in And as the long, long nights begin I'll think of all that might have been Waiting here for evermore! But even as you ran away, he couldn’t shake the feeling that this wasn’t the end.
See Also
#Hogwarts | shelbgrey
